My mother died on the operating table when I was born. I was her fifth pregnancy, and she had suffered some kind of abdominal injury years earlier that had weakened the lining of her uterus. I don't know that they were aware of the implications of further pregnancies on that kind of injury. I don't know a lot of things about what exactly happened medically during that time. I only know that a mom and dad went to the hospital to have a baby that day, and the dad ended up coming home alone. It was completely unexpected. It was devastating. My dad was undone, and grieved deeply.
This poem is a snapshot of my life. I must testify to the truth of God's faithfulness and goodness in holding me close through every part of it. When I was lonely. When I felt responsible. When I felt unloved. And, yes, when finally accepting the fact that I AM LOVED. May you experience that same awareness of His care in your life.
My
Father’s Eyes
A
lifetime ago the birth of a babe
Should
have been a joyous affair.
Instead
came the news of a mother’s death
And
a father’s eyes filled with despair.
Over
the years I longed for a look
From
those eyes that would let me know
That
I was enough to replace his loss,
But
the sadness continued to grow.
I
knew with my mind that his love was real –
But
only because he MUST.
His
grief was too heavy – his burden to bear;
His
eyes never filled with trust.
My
birthday was always a lonesome day –
A
reminder of what he had lost.
And
it seemed that his eyes reflected
How
great and unfair the cost.
Year
upon year had taken its toll
And
his mind was no longer strong.
He
couldn’t express his words or thoughts
And
everything came out wrong.
Then
came the day at the nursing home
When
I stopped by to see my dad.
He
saw me approach and his eyes lit with joy
And
I knew that his heart was glad.
The
look I had longed for was shining so bright
From
the eyes of the one I held dear.
Soon
the haze settled in and the look was gone
But
my heart held the memory near.
For
years I had waited, for years I had feared,
Not
knowing that I was adored;
That
the look of delight was there all along
In
the eyes of my Father and Lord.
My
dad, from the pain buried deep in his soul
Couldn’t
share what was there in his heart.
But
the look, had I noticed, from God’s tender gaze,
Was
there from the very start.
©
Liz Kimmel
Liz,
ReplyDeleteThis is an absolutely beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing the story behind it... wow. How great the Father's love is for us.
~Sarah
Thanks for the comment, Sarah. My very first comment, and such an encouraging one! Your blog is an inspiration to me. Keep on writing.
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